लडका भगवान से

लडका भगवान से – मेरे
घर से अमेरिका तक रोड
बना दो.
भगवान - मुश्किल है, कुछ
और मांगो.
लडका –
तो ऐसी गर्लफ्रेंड
दिला दो जो मेरे
सिवा और किसी लड़के
को ना चाहे.
भगवान - रोड कब से
बनाना शुरू करूँ?
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Ek baar char dost the,

Ek baar char dost the,
Anta Singh, Banta Singh, Canta Singh and Danta Singh

Chaaro ne mil ke petrol pump khola
Ek bhi customer nahin aaya ..
Pata hai Kyun..?
Coz Petrol pump was on 1st floor..

Fir charo ne usi floor pe restaurent khola…
Phir Ek bhi customer nahin aaya..
Pata hai Kyun?
Petrol pump ka board nahin hataya..

Fir charon ne Restaurant bech kar paise se taxi lee…
But Ek bhi sawari nahin aayi…
Pata hai Kyu..?
Coz 2 dost aage aur 2 piche baith ke sawari dhund rahe the..

Ek din Taxi kharab ho gayi…
Charo ne khoob dhakka lagaya…
but taxi wahi ki wahi…
Pata hai Kyu..?
2 aage se aur 2 pichhe se dhakka de rahe the…

Fir charo ne 1 bachhe ko kidnap kiya…
Bachhe ko kaha ghar ja apne baap se 5 lac rs le kar aa,
warna tujhe maar denge.

Bachha ghar gaya aur uske papa ne paise de bhi diye….
Pata hai Kyu..?
Coz bachhe ke baap ka nam SANTA Singh tha…!
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Awesome joke...

Awesome joke...
.
Ek Seth ne pappu ko dukaan pe
Rakha, Sales
4 Guna ho gayi,
.
Seth ek din pappu se milne shop
pe aaya toh
woh Grahak ko
Fishing Rod bech raha tha,
Seth khada ho k dekhne laga,
.
Grahak ne 800 me fishing rod
kharid liya. .
.
Pappu bola :- Itne mehnge joote
pehan ke
fishing karoge....??
Sports shoe le lo,
Usne 600 ke shoes le liye, .
.
.
Pappu bola :- Dhoop lagegi,
ek Cap bhi lo, usne le li,
Pappu bola :- Fishing karte waqt
bhookh
lagegi to kuch khane ko le lo Usne
chips,
biscuit le liye
.
.
Woh bola fish rakhne ke liye ek
basket le lo,
usne le lia Iss tarah uska bill 8000
bana.
Seth bahut khush hua bola :- Tum
acche
salesman ho,
Wo keval fishng rod lene aaya tha
aur Tumne
itna saman bech diya.
. .
.
Pappu :- Sethji wo to Biwi ke
liye"WHISPER" lene aaya
tha, Maine bola :- 7 din kya
karega,
Ja jake machali pakad...
ek like pappu k liye banta hai yar

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The love story of kamlesh and kavita.

The love story of kamlesh and kavita.
kamlesh and kavita were both patients in a mental hospital..

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool.

kamlesh suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

kavita promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of kavita heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell kavita the news she said, 'kavita, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, kamlesh hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.

I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

kavita replied (you'll love this) .
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry..
How soon can I go home?'
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An 18yr old girl got pregnant.

An 18yr old girl got pregnant..
Mother: "Who was the Pig? Call him"
.
30 Mins later a limousine stops in front of their house..
.
A mature grey hair in a very Expensive Suit, steps out..
.
Man:YOUR daughter has informed me of the problem..
.
However I can't marry her
.
but if a Girl is born I offer 2 stores,A Villa & £2 million
.
If a Boy is born, then 2 factories & £5 million..
but in case of miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
.
Mother: Please try again!
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Wife: Look at that Drunker!

Wife: Look at that Drunker!
Hubby: Who is he ?
Wife: 10 years back he proposed me & I rejected..
.
.
Hubby: Oh My God,
He is still Celebrating..
🐓🐓🐓🐓

Tchr : Murgiyo🐓 ki taange chhoti kyu hoti hai ?
Sardar ka Asardaar reply : Sir, agar murgiyo🐓 ki taange Lambi hoti to Ande itne upar se gir kar toot jate na.

🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓

Teacher- 🌍💫Chand par pehla kadam kisne rakha?
Pappu-NEIL ARMSTRONG.
Teacher- Aur doosra ?

Pappu- doosra bhi usi ne rakha hoga .....Langdi khelne thodi gaya tha woh!!!!

Santa- Chicken to bahut badhiya bana hai par thoda ajib sa taste kyu hai?

Banta- banate hue murge ki tang jal gayi thi....
Toh maine SOFRAMYCIN laga di.
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Aaj kal ki ladkiyan choti choti baat pe

Aaj kal ki ladkiyan choti choti baat pe chat account block kar deti hain... Few examples:

Boy: What's your Name??
Girl: Palak and you?
Boy: Paneer.
**BLOCKED!!!**

Girl : Hello I am Khusbu.
Boy: Khusbu ka dusra naam bharosa agarbati.... kone kone me khusbu faila de.
**Blocked**

Boy: Hi, what's your name??
Girl: Neha Singhal.
Boy: Oh.. I am also Single.
**Blocked**

Girl: What's UP?
Boy: Uttar Pradesh...
**blocked**

Girl: Tu soya hai...???
Boy: Nahi...! Schezwan hun..!
**Blocked Instantly**

Girl: I'm free tommorow!
Boy: Pehle kya paid thi??
**BLOCKED**

Boy: Aj mausam achha hai, Mall chalte hain.
Girl: Waha kya karenge??
Boy: Hawan karenge, hawan karenge.
**Blocked**

Girl: See ya!
Boy: Ram Chandra ki jai!
**Blocked**

Girl: Have a Good Day....
Boy: No thank you... I like Parle-G more...
**BLOCKED**

Girl: I need some Space.
Boy: Ok then go to Sonakshi Sinha's forehead.
**Blocked**

Girl puts up her status: Waiting for CHENNAI EXPRESS...
Boy: COOLIE hai kya??
**Blocked**

Boy: Thank you.
Girl: It's my Pleasure.
Boy: My Bajaj Pulsar.
**Blocked Forever**
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Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo

Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe:
Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825km door aa gaya hu
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Train me 1 ladke ne T.C Se kaha

Train me 1 ladke ne T.C Se kaha
"Mujhe subah 4 baje Solapur mein utha
dena, agar main na jagu to zabardasti utaar dena. Muje subah
interview dena hai."

Subah 8 baje
ladka jaga to Solapur nikal gaya
tha !

Ladka TC ko gaaliyaa dene laga......!

Logo ne TC se kaha ke wo apko itni gaaliyaan de raha hai aur aap
chup-chap sun rahe hai.

TC :- Main ye soch raha hun ki Subah
jisko maine zabardasti utaar diya hai
Woh kitni gaaliyaan de raha hoga...
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A Man Gifted his Wife a Diamond Necklace

A Man Gifted his Wife a Diamond Necklace for their Anniversary and Wife didn't Speak to him for 6 Months.

Was the Necklace FAKE?

- No That was the Deal



A couple was having Dinner at a fancy Restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said - "The food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife- Honey.....You say Prayer before Eating at Home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart......
Here the Chef knows how to Cook !!!!


Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt : "Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed..."
🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Bhakt: Swami ji, Aisi Patni ko kya kehte hai jo Gori ho,
Lambi ho,
Sundar ho,
Intelligent ho,
Pati ko Samjhe,
aur kabhi Jhagda Na kare ????

Swami: Mann ka Vaham kehte hai Beta,
Mann ka Vaham !!!!!

😇💬💭🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Ladkiwale - Hume aisa Ladka chahiye jo Paan, Cigarette, Daaru na leta ho.....
Sirf Boiled Khaana khae.....
Din Raat Bhagwan ka Naam le......

Pandit - Aisa Ladka to Aapko wo Saamne wale Leelavati Hospital
ke ICU me hi milega....
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Chor aya

Chor aya

Tijori par likha tha
"Todne ki zaroorat nahi button
dabao, khul jayegi"

Button dabate hi police aa gayee.

Police : kuch apni safaii me kehna
hai ?

Chor : maa kasam aaj insaniyat se
vishwas uth gaya.. :P
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Death came to a guy

Death came to a guy and said,"My friend today is your day...".

The guy said,"But I am not ready!".

Then death said,"Well your name is the next on my list...".

So the guy told death,"Ok why don't you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?".

Then death said,"All right...".

The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep.

The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list to the bottom of the list.

When death woke up he said to the guy, "I will start from the bottom of the list because you have been so very nice to me.."
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A little boy was in a taxi eating chocolate

A little boy was in a taxi eating chocolate, then he
took another one and then another.

A man next to him said "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth"

The boy replied, "my grandfather lived132
years"

The man asked "was it because of eating chocolate?"

The boy replied, "No, he was always minding his
own business" ...
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3 kaale dost ek sath ja rahe the...

3 kaale dost ek sath ja rahe
the...
.
Raste me ek pari milti hai,
.
Pari-"ek-ek wish batao main poorikarugi."
.
1st.-"Mujhe gora aur khubsurat
kardo."Pari ne kar dia.
.
2nd-"mujhe bhi aisa kar do."Pari ne kar diya.
.
3rd zor zor se hasne laga or phir
bola........
"Inko wapas pehle jaisa
kardo......
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Pappu checkup krwane doctor k paas gya.

Pappu checkup krwane doctor k paas gya..

Dr:" Tabiyat kaisi hai ??

Pappu:" Pehle se kharab hai..." :(
.
Dr:" Dawa khali thi ??

Pappu:" Ji nai, dawa ki shishi to bhari thi

Dr:" Arre, mera matlb dawa le li thi ??

Pappu:" Ji, aapne di thi to mene leli thi.." :)

Dr:" Bewkoof dawa pee li thi..??

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Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done,she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

Husband says : "Hi Darling, Your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom.

Hope you said Hello to them.."
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Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven

Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven.
Einstein was seeker. Newton didn't hide & stood in a square of 1 meter.
Einstein: I found u newton !! Thappa !!!
Newton: U are wrong. I am not newton. As i am standing in 1 mt square, i am newton/per mt sq. So I am pascal
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Ek Indian aur Ek American donodost the,..

Ek Indian aur Ek American dono
dost the,
.
.
Dono ek din ek chocolate store
me gaye..
.
Waha sab logo ko busy dekhkar
American ne 3 chocolate chura li,
.
Jab dono bahar aaye to American
bola:"Man I m the
best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates
and no one saw me, u cant beat
that"
.
Indian replied:"You wanna see
something better, lets go back to
the shop and I will show you real
stealing"
.
.
So they went to the counter and
Indian said to the Shop boy:"Do
you
wanna see magic.. ??
.
.
Shop boy replied:"Yes."
.
.
Indian said:"Give me one
chocolate
bar."
.
The shop boy gave him one,
and he ate it..
He asked for the second, and he
ate
that as well.
.
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Teacher:"Whoever answers my question can go home."

Teacher:"Whoever answers my question can go home."
*One boy throws his book bag out the window*

Teacher:"Who just threw the book bag?"
Boy: Me, I'm going home!!"
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woman goes to Italy to attend a 2 week Company training session

woman goes to Italy to attend a 2 week Company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?

The husband laughs and says: An Italian girl!!!

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks:

So, honey, how was the trip?

Very good, thank you.
And, what happened to my present?

Which present? She asked.

The one I asked for - an Italian girl !!
Oh, that she said:

Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl!!
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