Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Mr. Pratap from Patna.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Pratap says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Pratap says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays………. …

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

Pratap says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room..

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak japanese to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Pratap says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of japanese but what do I have to lose?'

So he stays and finds himself with One other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak japanese, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, pratap turns to the other candidate and says,

`Kaun zila ghar Padi ho??

The other candidate answers

Chapra, aur Tohar??'
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College life-

College life-
ASSIGNMENT copy
karte time-
Oye!! Ye kya likha hai??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Jo word samajh aa raha
hai wo likh,
jo nai aa raha uska aisa
hi design bana de!!
True or not. ?
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न्यूटन- 5 के बीच में 4 कैसेलिखेंगे ?

न्यूटन- 5 के बीच में 4 कैसे
लिखेंगे ?
.
चीन- यह सिर्फ एक
मजाक है।
जापान- इम्पासिबल
अमेरिका- गलत सवाल
ब्रिटेन- लिख
ही नहीं सकते
पाकिस्तान- अगर तुम
ऐसे ही बेकार के सवाल
करोगे तो हम तुम्हें मार
देंगे।
.
.
.
.
.
.
भारत- F(IV)E
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लडका भगवान से

लडका भगवान से – मेरे
घर से अमेरिका तक रोड
बना दो.
भगवान - मुश्किल है, कुछ
और मांगो.
लडका –
तो ऐसी गर्लफ्रेंड
दिला दो जो मेरे
सिवा और किसी लड़के
को ना चाहे.
भगवान - रोड कब से
बनाना शुरू करूँ?
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Ek baar char dost the,

Ek baar char dost the,
Anta Singh, Banta Singh, Canta Singh and Danta Singh

Chaaro ne mil ke petrol pump khola
Ek bhi customer nahin aaya ..
Pata hai Kyun..?
Coz Petrol pump was on 1st floor..

Fir charo ne usi floor pe restaurent khola…
Phir Ek bhi customer nahin aaya..
Pata hai Kyun?
Petrol pump ka board nahin hataya..

Fir charon ne Restaurant bech kar paise se taxi lee…
But Ek bhi sawari nahin aayi…
Pata hai Kyu..?
Coz 2 dost aage aur 2 piche baith ke sawari dhund rahe the..

Ek din Taxi kharab ho gayi…
Charo ne khoob dhakka lagaya…
but taxi wahi ki wahi…
Pata hai Kyu..?
2 aage se aur 2 pichhe se dhakka de rahe the…

Fir charo ne 1 bachhe ko kidnap kiya…
Bachhe ko kaha ghar ja apne baap se 5 lac rs le kar aa,
warna tujhe maar denge.

Bachha ghar gaya aur uske papa ne paise de bhi diye….
Pata hai Kyu..?
Coz bachhe ke baap ka nam SANTA Singh tha…!
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Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye

Santa: Chal Suicide kar le

Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega😛
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Awesome joke...

Awesome joke...
.
Ek Seth ne pappu ko dukaan pe
Rakha, Sales
4 Guna ho gayi,
.
Seth ek din pappu se milne shop
pe aaya toh
woh Grahak ko
Fishing Rod bech raha tha,
Seth khada ho k dekhne laga,
.
Grahak ne 800 me fishing rod
kharid liya. .
.
Pappu bola :- Itne mehnge joote
pehan ke
fishing karoge....??
Sports shoe le lo,
Usne 600 ke shoes le liye, .
.
.
Pappu bola :- Dhoop lagegi,
ek Cap bhi lo, usne le li,
Pappu bola :- Fishing karte waqt
bhookh
lagegi to kuch khane ko le lo Usne
chips,
biscuit le liye
.
.
Woh bola fish rakhne ke liye ek
basket le lo,
usne le lia Iss tarah uska bill 8000
bana.
Seth bahut khush hua bola :- Tum
acche
salesman ho,
Wo keval fishng rod lene aaya tha
aur Tumne
itna saman bech diya.
. .
.
Pappu :- Sethji wo to Biwi ke
liye"WHISPER" lene aaya
tha, Maine bola :- 7 din kya
karega,
Ja jake machali pakad...
ek like pappu k liye banta hai yar

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The love story of kamlesh and kavita.

The love story of kamlesh and kavita.
kamlesh and kavita were both patients in a mental hospital..

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool.

kamlesh suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

kavita promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of kavita heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell kavita the news she said, 'kavita, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, kamlesh hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.

I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

kavita replied (you'll love this) .
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry..
How soon can I go home?'
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An 18yr old girl got pregnant.

An 18yr old girl got pregnant..
Mother: "Who was the Pig? Call him"
.
30 Mins later a limousine stops in front of their house..
.
A mature grey hair in a very Expensive Suit, steps out..
.
Man:YOUR daughter has informed me of the problem..
.
However I can't marry her
.
but if a Girl is born I offer 2 stores,A Villa & £2 million
.
If a Boy is born, then 2 factories & £5 million..
but in case of miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
.
Mother: Please try again!
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Wife: Look at that Drunker!

Wife: Look at that Drunker!
Hubby: Who is he ?
Wife: 10 years back he proposed me & I rejected..
.
.
Hubby: Oh My God,
He is still Celebrating..
🐓🐓🐓🐓

Tchr : Murgiyo🐓 ki taange chhoti kyu hoti hai ?
Sardar ka Asardaar reply : Sir, agar murgiyo🐓 ki taange Lambi hoti to Ande itne upar se gir kar toot jate na.

🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓

Teacher- 🌍💫Chand par pehla kadam kisne rakha?
Pappu-NEIL ARMSTRONG.
Teacher- Aur doosra ?

Pappu- doosra bhi usi ne rakha hoga .....Langdi khelne thodi gaya tha woh!!!!

Santa- Chicken to bahut badhiya bana hai par thoda ajib sa taste kyu hai?

Banta- banate hue murge ki tang jal gayi thi....
Toh maine SOFRAMYCIN laga di.
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Aaj kal ki ladkiyan choti choti baat pe

Aaj kal ki ladkiyan choti choti baat pe chat account block kar deti hain... Few examples:

Boy: What's your Name??
Girl: Palak and you?
Boy: Paneer.
**BLOCKED!!!**

Girl : Hello I am Khusbu.
Boy: Khusbu ka dusra naam bharosa agarbati.... kone kone me khusbu faila de.
**Blocked**

Boy: Hi, what's your name??
Girl: Neha Singhal.
Boy: Oh.. I am also Single.
**Blocked**

Girl: What's UP?
Boy: Uttar Pradesh...
**blocked**

Girl: Tu soya hai...???
Boy: Nahi...! Schezwan hun..!
**Blocked Instantly**

Girl: I'm free tommorow!
Boy: Pehle kya paid thi??
**BLOCKED**

Boy: Aj mausam achha hai, Mall chalte hain.
Girl: Waha kya karenge??
Boy: Hawan karenge, hawan karenge.
**Blocked**

Girl: See ya!
Boy: Ram Chandra ki jai!
**Blocked**

Girl: Have a Good Day....
Boy: No thank you... I like Parle-G more...
**BLOCKED**

Girl: I need some Space.
Boy: Ok then go to Sonakshi Sinha's forehead.
**Blocked**

Girl puts up her status: Waiting for CHENNAI EXPRESS...
Boy: COOLIE hai kya??
**Blocked**

Boy: Thank you.
Girl: It's my Pleasure.
Boy: My Bajaj Pulsar.
**Blocked Forever**
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Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo

Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe:
Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825km door aa gaya hu
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Train me 1 ladke ne T.C Se kaha

Train me 1 ladke ne T.C Se kaha
"Mujhe subah 4 baje Solapur mein utha
dena, agar main na jagu to zabardasti utaar dena. Muje subah
interview dena hai."

Subah 8 baje
ladka jaga to Solapur nikal gaya
tha !

Ladka TC ko gaaliyaa dene laga......!

Logo ne TC se kaha ke wo apko itni gaaliyaan de raha hai aur aap
chup-chap sun rahe hai.

TC :- Main ye soch raha hun ki Subah
jisko maine zabardasti utaar diya hai
Woh kitni gaaliyaan de raha hoga...
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A Man Gifted his Wife a Diamond Necklace

A Man Gifted his Wife a Diamond Necklace for their Anniversary and Wife didn't Speak to him for 6 Months.

Was the Necklace FAKE?

- No That was the Deal



A couple was having Dinner at a fancy Restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said - "The food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife- Honey.....You say Prayer before Eating at Home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart......
Here the Chef knows how to Cook !!!!


Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt : "Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed..."
🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Bhakt: Swami ji, Aisi Patni ko kya kehte hai jo Gori ho,
Lambi ho,
Sundar ho,
Intelligent ho,
Pati ko Samjhe,
aur kabhi Jhagda Na kare ????

Swami: Mann ka Vaham kehte hai Beta,
Mann ka Vaham !!!!!

😇💬💭🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Ladkiwale - Hume aisa Ladka chahiye jo Paan, Cigarette, Daaru na leta ho.....
Sirf Boiled Khaana khae.....
Din Raat Bhagwan ka Naam le......

Pandit - Aisa Ladka to Aapko wo Saamne wale Leelavati Hospital
ke ICU me hi milega....
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7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So all of them gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperatelyt rying to prove their superiority.

****************************** *********************
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buyall 7 tickets..Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come……When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in onetoilet SO when TC knocks, onehand comes out with the ticket and the TC goesaway….Doctors say “Dekhlenge”NOW on return Journey All of them don’t get adirect train to PUNE.So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, as fromthere they can easilyget a LOCAL to PUNE

*************************************************************

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI – LONAVALA) : Doctors decided, “this time we will prove that wetoo are equallySHAANE”….All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket, Engineersdon’t buy any ticket atall!!!!!.. TC arrives….ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..One engineer gets out and knocks the door ofDoctors toilet, One handcomes with the tickets, he takes the ticket andcomes in engg Bathroom…TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavilyfined……..

*******************************************

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station.Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.This time doctors decide that they will playthesame (1 ticket ) trick. ALLDoctors take 1 tickets…Engineers BUY all 7 ticketsthis time…SO TC Comes.. All Engineers show their tickets….. & Doctors are stillsearching for toilet in the LOCAL train!!
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Chor aya

Chor aya

Tijori par likha tha
"Todne ki zaroorat nahi button
dabao, khul jayegi"

Button dabate hi police aa gayee.

Police : kuch apni safaii me kehna
hai ?

Chor : maa kasam aaj insaniyat se
vishwas uth gaya.. :P
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Death came to a guy

Death came to a guy and said,"My friend today is your day...".

The guy said,"But I am not ready!".

Then death said,"Well your name is the next on my list...".

So the guy told death,"Ok why don't you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?".

Then death said,"All right...".

The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep.

The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list to the bottom of the list.

When death woke up he said to the guy, "I will start from the bottom of the list because you have been so very nice to me.."
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A little boy was in a taxi eating chocolate

A little boy was in a taxi eating chocolate, then he
took another one and then another.

A man next to him said "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth"

The boy replied, "my grandfather lived132
years"

The man asked "was it because of eating chocolate?"

The boy replied, "No, he was always minding his
own business" ...
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3 kaale dost ek sath ja rahe the...

3 kaale dost ek sath ja rahe
the...
.
Raste me ek pari milti hai,
.
Pari-"ek-ek wish batao main poorikarugi."
.
1st.-"Mujhe gora aur khubsurat
kardo."Pari ne kar dia.
.
2nd-"mujhe bhi aisa kar do."Pari ne kar diya.
.
3rd zor zor se hasne laga or phir
bola........
"Inko wapas pehle jaisa
kardo......
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Pappu checkup krwane doctor k paas gya.

Pappu checkup krwane doctor k paas gya..

Dr:" Tabiyat kaisi hai ??

Pappu:" Pehle se kharab hai..." :(
.
Dr:" Dawa khali thi ??

Pappu:" Ji nai, dawa ki shishi to bhari thi

Dr:" Arre, mera matlb dawa le li thi ??

Pappu:" Ji, aapne di thi to mene leli thi.." :)

Dr:" Bewkoof dawa pee li thi..??

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Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done,she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

Husband says : "Hi Darling, Your parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom.

Hope you said Hello to them.."
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Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven

Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven.
Einstein was seeker. Newton didn't hide & stood in a square of 1 meter.
Einstein: I found u newton !! Thappa !!!
Newton: U are wrong. I am not newton. As i am standing in 1 mt square, i am newton/per mt sq. So I am pascal
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Ek Indian aur Ek American donodost the,..

Ek Indian aur Ek American dono
dost the,
.
.
Dono ek din ek chocolate store
me gaye..
.
Waha sab logo ko busy dekhkar
American ne 3 chocolate chura li,
.
Jab dono bahar aaye to American
bola:"Man I m the
best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates
and no one saw me, u cant beat
that"
.
Indian replied:"You wanna see
something better, lets go back to
the shop and I will show you real
stealing"
.
.
So they went to the counter and
Indian said to the Shop boy:"Do
you
wanna see magic.. ??
.
.
Shop boy replied:"Yes."
.
.
Indian said:"Give me one
chocolate
bar."
.
The shop boy gave him one,
and he ate it..
He asked for the second, and he
ate
that as well.
.
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Teacher:"Whoever answers my question can go home."

Teacher:"Whoever answers my question can go home."
*One boy throws his book bag out the window*

Teacher:"Who just threw the book bag?"
Boy: Me, I'm going home!!"
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woman goes to Italy to attend a 2 week Company training session

woman goes to Italy to attend a 2 week Company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?

The husband laughs and says: An Italian girl!!!

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks:

So, honey, how was the trip?

Very good, thank you.
And, what happened to my present?

Which present? She asked.

The one I asked for - an Italian girl !!
Oh, that she said:

Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl!!
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I sent a text to my wife last night

I sent a text to my wife last night, "Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
.
.
I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
.
.
She text back,"OMG really?"
.
.
I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message.
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Laloo sent his BioData 2 apply 4 apost in Microsoft USA.

Laloo sent his BioData 2 apply 4 a
post in Microsoft USA. Few days
l8r he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our
requirements.
Please do not send any further
correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates

Laloo prasad jumped wid joy on
receiving this reply. He arranged
apress conference-
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan
kar khushi hogi ki hum ko
Amereeca mein naukri mil gayi
hai."

Every1 was delighted. He
continued "Ab hum aap sab ko
apna appointment Letter padhkar
sunaungaa ? par letter angrezi
mein hai isliye saath-saath Hindi
main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad -Pyare
Lalooprasad bhaiya
You do not meet -aap to milte hi
nahin ho
our requirement -humko to
zarurat hai
Please do not send any further
correspondence -ab Letter vetter
bhejne ka kaouno zarurat nahin
No phone call -phoonwa ka bhi
zarurat nahin hai
shall be entertained -bahut
khaatir ki jayegi
Thanks -aapka bahut dhanyavad
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A blind man was waiting to cross the road

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg.

He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “

I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”
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MALE LOGIC Vs FEMALE INTENT....

MALE LOGIC Vs FEMALE INTENT....

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me, buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

(I'm sure you're going back to read this again!!)
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Boy: Marry me.. ?

Boy: Marry me.. ?
Girl: Do you have a house.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car?
Boy: No..
Girl: How much is your salary.. ?
Boy: No salary.. but,..
Girl: No but. You have nothing...
How can i marry you.?? Leave please.!!
Boy: (talk to himself) I hav one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche..
Why I still need to buy BMW.?!
How can I get the salary
when actually I'm the BOSS
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Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?

Santa: Biwi Se :*

Jailer: Maa-Baap se nahi :O

Santa: Maa-Baap to agla janm lete
hi mil jyenge
biwi ke liye sala phir 25 saal wait
karna padega!! :P

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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!

They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.":)
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One of my Favorite Joke

One of my Favorite Joke:

Killing English

1. Principal To Student..." I Saw U
Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling
Cigarette... ? "

2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The
Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"

3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going
Out Of The World To America.."

4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY
BACK.."

5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be
Fallen Down.....

6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When
The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch
The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem.
And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not
Oning" (Ing Form Of On)

7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write
Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!

8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is
Revolving Around College"

9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am
Madhu, Married With Two Kids"

10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"

11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK
AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us...
"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My
Daughter"

13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially
Mother And Father

14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys
Outside When I Am In The Class?!"

15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend
Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You
Understand. Computer How Understand??

16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The
Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep
Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"

17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So Loudly
I Will Stand Uping U"

18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit
Outside, The Understandjoin for more No RuleZz
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3 drunk guys enterd a taxi.

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so
he started the engine & turned it off again.
He told them.
"We have reached".
The 1st guy gave him money &
the 2nd guy said "thank you".
The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap.
The driver was shocked,thinkin ­g the 3rd drunk
knew what he did.
But he asked "whats that for?".
The 3rd guy replied:"CONTROL YOUR SPEED
NEXT TIME,
you nearly killed us!". . .
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Dhoni: How Famous you are...??

Dhoni: How Famous you are...??
Sir Jadeja : Whole world knows me.
Dhoni: Obama knows u..? Give proof.
Then Sir jadeja & Dhoni go to Obama's house.
Sir: stand here at the gate, i'll come withObama in balcony and show u.
Dhoni: ok.
Sir jadeja comes with Obama and wavedDhoni from balcony.
After sometime, Sir jadeja bahar aye tohdekha, Dhoni behosh ho gaya, hosh me ayatoh Sir ne reason pucha..
Dhoni: Ek American aaya tha, and asked me,'WHO IS THAT MAN WITH Sir Jadeja IN BALCONY...? :0 :) :D
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A father and son went hunting together for the first time

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."

A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you
to be quiet."

The boy, bless his heart, answered; "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.

I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said,

'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'

well, I guess I just panicked"
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A man checked into a Hotel.

A man checked into a Hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send a mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed d wrong
email address, and without realizing, he
sent the mail to a widow who has just
returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her mail,
expecting condolence messages from
relatives and friends.
After reading d first message she fainted.
The son rushed into d room, found his
mother on the floor and saw d computer
screen which read : "To my loving wife, i
knw u are surprised to hear from me, they
have computers here and we are allowed
to send mails to loved ones.
I 've just checked in.
How are u and d kids, d place is really nice,
but am lonely here.
I have made necessary arrangement 4 ur
arrival 2morrow. Expecting u darling. I
can't wait to see u!
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1st Year Medical Students were attending their 1st Anatomy Class

1st Year Medical Students were attending their 1st Anatomy Class,

They all gathered around the Surgery Table with a real Dead Dog lying on it,

The Professor puts His Finger in Dog's butt & tasted it in his own Mouth,

Then he asked the Students to do the same,

The students Hesitated for several Minutes,

But, eventually Everyone inserted their Finger in Dog's Mouth & Tasted it,

When everyone finished,

The Professor looked at them & said:

The most important Quality is "Observation"

I inserted my MIDDLE Finger But Tasted the INDEX Finger,

Today you have just Learned, "How To Pay Attention"
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My few learnings fron TV ad

My few learnings fron TV ad-
1. Kareena has dandruff problem, Katrina has dry hair problem, Shilpa has hairfall problem and Priyanka has chip-chip.
2. If you've a hot wife make sure your neighbor doesn't use a deodorant in your absence.
3. Your complexion is more important than your qualifications
4. Saif Ali Khan din bhar Appy Fizz & Lays khata hai and still Bade Aaram Se FIT rehta hai
5. If there is no salt in your kitchen you can use Toothpaste
6. You can change your country by drinking Tata Tea
7. Every second oral care brand is No. 1 and recommended by every dentist in India!!!
8. If ur daughter is not Ready to Get married.., take her to a jewellery shop.
9. Only reason why men use deodorant is to get laid.
10. Most colas cure all kinds of phobias. You will be close to a superman, if you drink theseregularly!!
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Dad: Whats 10 + 10?

Dad: Whats 10 + 10?
Little Johny: I dnt knw!
Dad: Idiot you cnt answer such a
cheap sum... Ur stupidy wil kill you!
Lil Johny: If you saw a 1000 note
and a 500 note.. which would
youpick?
Dad: 1000 of course!
Lil johny: Idiot cnt you pick both!
Poverty wil kill you..!
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A young guy from West Virginia

 moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

> The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in West Virginia ."
>
> Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
>
> "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
>
> His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
>
> "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
>
> That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in West Virginia , but you're not in the mines anymore, son."
>
> The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
>
> The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
>
> The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
>
> The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
>
> The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing..

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Nitin bhai 30 manzile

 imarat par betha hua tha
tabhi ek admi hafte hue aya aur kha sonu ji apki poti mar gayi.
Ye sun kar wo kud pade aur jab wo 20 manzil par pahunche to unhe yaad aya uski koi poti hi nahin hai.
Jab 10 mamzil par pahumche to unhe yaad aya ki unki to sadi hi nahin hui.
Aur jab wo zamin se takrane wale the to unhe yaad aya ki unka naam to sonu hi nahin.

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GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON

> Go hide, your teacher is coming as you
bunked school today!
>
> GRANDSON: YOU go hide… I told her YOU
PASSED AWAY!! ;) =D

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